


Forest

by Selah



Series: Little Blond Bastards [2]
Category: Jrock, Kagrra
Genre: Gen, Lifestyle BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selah/pseuds/Selah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That creeping feeling of doom wouldn't leave him alone. Why couldn't Naoki just be normal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forest

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted to LJ many, many moons ago. I feel a little off rating this as M when there isn't a sex scene, but there IS very blunt talk of sex, so M it is.

Naoki was supposed to be sleeping, but every time he closed his eyes, that face was waiting for him. That face with that so dangerous mouth that he could picture a little too well on his dick. That teasing tongue that would drive him wild, those hands that would feel so good on his skin, he was certain of it. He pressed his pillow to his face to muffle his groan of frustration, not wanting to wake Ryouhei in the next bed. This couldn't continue, he had to find some way of dealing with this obsession of his before it led to something ridiculous. Like saying something completely inappropriate to his face.

One more night and he would be back on his own, his contract fulfilled. Back to gently nudging Shin about Players and trying not to think about how much he missed the old days. How the hell did other people deal with this? He really wanted to know. That was the problem with having been with Izumi so completely and for so long - now that he was on his own, he didn't know what to do with himself. 

Pulling the pillow back down to his chest, Naoki sighed and stared up unseeing at the ceiling. He was getting nowhere like this. Maybe when they were home again, he'd talk to Shin about things? He didn't really think they could go back to those early days, that would be too weird, but Shin had contacts. A crazy, insane network of contacts, like some master spider. If nothing else, maybe Shin could help him find someone with whom to vent some of this pent up sexual tension? It'd be a start, anyway.

 

To his relief, Shin had not only come to their Tokyo final, but even allowed himself to be dragged out with the rest of the band for celebratory drinks afterwards. Though it might have been better if they had gone straight home instead. Naoki was feeling decidedly unsteady as he leaned on Shin for support the whole way up to the slender guitarist's apartment.

“’m sorry ‘bout this,” he mumbled, flopping onto the other man’s couch with a low sigh. He had just meant to have one or two beers, enough to loosen up so he could actually nerve himself up enough to _talk_ to Shin about his sexual frustration. But one had quickly turned into three and, well, it was hard to turn down rounds when someone else was paying. For him anyway. Either that or Shin had some alien metabolism that left him completely sober after a night out. Which was lucky for him, he supposed, but still.

“You don't have to apologize, Naoran, you know that,” Shin soothed, ruffling his hair as he walked past him. “Weren't you headed for bed? Or should I make tea for the both of us?”

“Tea, please,” he murmured, the offer like an unintended slap in the face. Of course Shin hadn't meant it that way, would be mollified (or worse) to know it had been taken as such, but that wound was still freshly reopened and prone to leaking. Still, he did his best to curl into a corner of the couch (instead of sprawled across it like a walrus) and sit quietly, properly, like a good boy.

“You don’t have to sit like that,” Shin half-scolded when he returned a little later, pressing a steaming mug into his hands. “Just because I brought you home, doesn't make you my pet, you know that.”

“I know, I know,” Naoki sighed, careful with the mug as he scooted closer to Shin to lean against him. “I just … have been rubbed a little raw lately, I guess. And, well....”

But the words wouldn't come, stubbornly refusing to form into sensible phrases. How was he supposed to explain the homesick feeling in the pit of his stomach or how lost and unprepared for being single he felt? That he sometimes caught himself thinking that maybe he should just settle down, find some sweet-faced girl, and become a normal person. Of course those flights of fancy rarely lasted very long, but still. They were there.

“I'll always be here for you, Naoran,” Shin soothed, sliding an arm around him. Naoki hummed in soft, appreciative acknowledgement, scooting a little bit closer and sipping his tea. 

“Thanks for taking care of me like this, Shinpei,” he mumbled after a bit, even though he knew the words weren't necessary. “I'd be lost without you.”

“Such things you say,” Shin murmured in response, ruffling his hair. “Even if they're probably true....”

“Oi!! You're not supposed to agree so easily!” he mock-protested, poking his friend in the stomach. Shin laughed easily, ruffling his hair again.

“No? But it's the truth, so why deny it~?” he countered. “Ah, is that what's on your mind then?”

“Huh?”

“Feeling lost and alone since then?”

“Oh … well … maybe a little,” he admitted, sighing. “I think … I spent all those years with him, you know? It's weird being here on my own now. I don't … really know what to do with myself, you know?”

“Not really. If you're fishing for advice, Naoran, you're going to have to be more specific.”

“Ugh, Shiiiiiinpeiiiiiiii!” he whined, flopping across the couch and Shin's lap. He was being childish, he knew it, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Probably the alcohol's doing, though he wasn't sure he wouldn't have been acting exactly the same even without the beers. 

“I'm not a mind reader, Naoran,” Shin said, poking his cheek. Which was true, but it was also completely besides the point. Clearly he was going to have to harass his friend for this oversight of not being a telepath. How completely thoughtless of him, forcing him to confess aloud such an embarrassing thing!

“I want sex! There, happy now?!” he demanded, feeling a full-blown pout coming on.

“Why Naoran,” Shin purred, one finger sliding down his throat. Naoki shivered at both the touch and the way Shin's voice dropped to such a seductive tone. Bringing back all those memories from the early days, before he had been collared. His breathing hitched, pain burning through him with the memories, old and new alike. The moment was lost before it could even finish forming, Naoki curling in on himself as silent sobs shook through him. He could feel Shin's hand in his hair, stroking down his side, but it wasn't enough to counter the aching. He really was a hopeless case, wasn't he? Still sobbing like this after so long. Who could want him like this? Maybe he really was better off forgetting all about it....

 

Naoki didn't want to wake up; the waking world hurt. In the waking world, the two men he had loved most were gone. One had set him free, the other cruelly stolen by the uncaring heavens. In the waking world, he was a burden on his dearest friend. His poor Shinpei, having to put up with him and his melodrama. It really was ridiculously selfish and unfair of him.

“I know you're awake, Naoran. Stop wallowing and come have breakfast.”

“Shinpei....”

“Get up right now, Naoki.”

Curse the man for knowing just the right tone of voice – he was already out of bed and pulling on his pants. Natural consequence of those first few years, when they'd all lived together to save on bills. Even when Isshi got the house, even when they all spread out into their own apartments, some things hadn't changed or gone away. Shin's ability to make him obey being one of them. Though he found he couldn't really stay that disgruntled with him, even as he sat himself at Shin's table, pouring him tea without a second thought.

“Eat, Naoran,” Shin murmured, nudging one of his plates. Stifling a sigh, he did as he was told, feeling both petulant and, if not exactly submissive, then at least somewhat grateful for the firm hand Shin was offering.

“I'm so--.”

“Don't. I promised back then I'd always be here for you. That you aren't mine doesn't change my feelings for you, Naoran. Now _eat_.”

Naoki ducked his head to hide the smile he could feel forming. At least Shin was still willing to put up with his shit, he couldn't ask for a better friend.

 

Naoki actually jumped in his seat when a hefty envelope was dropped on the table in front of him. Blinking, he was surprised to see Shin settling at the table across from him.

“What's this?”

“Hmm? Oh, research for a project. Nothing you need to worry about, just needed to get your attention,” the other man said, grinning impishly at him. Okay, so that was probably fair enough, considering he had been pretty engrossed in his reading.

“So what's up?”

“Did you mean what you said the other night? About feeling … at loose ends?” Shin asked and Naoki felt himself blushing, even though his friend had been his usual careful self about wording the question in light of their semi-public surroundings. Which suggested that Shin had probably known all along what he was saying that night. Sneaky, sadistic bastard.

“Ah, um, yeah,” he admitted, wishing he could stop blushing. Of course he had meant it, he wouldn't have brought it up otherwise. Just because they had gotten distracted before he could properly address the topic....

“Well then... Almost done here? We can order in dinner or pick something up, up to you.”

“Um, yeah, actually, I don't have to do this here anyway, just give me a minute to get everything picked up.”

Shin nodded, waiting patiently while Naoki corralled his things. An exercise that had certainly gotten easier now that he was doing nearly all his composing and writing on his laptop. He did everything in that trusty little Macbook, he'd be lost without it.

They were well settled on Shin's couch with pizza and beer before his friend picked up the tail of their earlier conversation: “So are you thinking of a one-off? Or something more like a series of play dates? Something with potential to grow into more?”

“Ah, well... Something to get me off this current obsession would be a start,” he admitted, sighing heavily. “I've … been having unseemly thoughts about one of our kouhai lately.”

“Oh? Which one?” Shin asked, as of course Naoki had known he would. He toyed with his mostly empty bottle of beer, not wanting to admit the truth. Too late to back out of it now, of course, but still. Even knowing it was inevitable, it still took Shin nudging him again before he could make himself say the words.

“Kouki of D=OUT. It wasn't on purpose! I just … have you ever noticed how most of his photos, he either has his mouth open or his cheeks puffed like he's about to swallow? I don't even remember how it is I started noticing it, but now... it's like that’s all I can think about when I see his picture. It's ridiculous. I'm so afraid I'm going to completely embarrass myself the next time we have to work together, so yeah, if you could get my head back on straight for me, I'd really appreciate it.”

“Oh Naoran,” his best friend said, a soft chuckle underlying his words. Somehow, he couldn't help thinking that wasn't really a _good_ sign. But pouting at the other man wasn't wiping that smile from his lips.

“He's bisexual, but hopelessly vanilla, Naoran,” Shin murmured, ruffling his hair in something not unlike sympathy. “How about we find you someone else, ok?”

“You couldn't've lied just a little bit and said he was hopelessly straight?” Naoki whined, collapsing into Shin’s lap. 

“You know how I feel about lying,” the other said, fingers slipping though Naoki's hair. He huffed a sigh but couldn't argue. He did know and most of the time he even agreed with it. But just this once, he wouldn't have minded so much. Maybe trying to make something work with a vanilla person when he was himself quite kinky was just asking for trouble, but that wasn't going to stop his imagination from wondering. He was doomed.


End file.
